Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize