end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
