if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
