You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
