Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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