I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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