there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
