a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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