Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
