If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
