you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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