I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
