you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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