It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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