Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
