he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
