If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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