Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
