before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
