i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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