is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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