I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
