Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
