My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
