So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
