What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
