he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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