i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
