i would punch a child for taco bell
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
