11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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