is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
