woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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