Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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