i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My breasts were aching with rage.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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