so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
