Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
