I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
