yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
