FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize