I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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