just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
