I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
