found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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