people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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