My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
