my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
