Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
