giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
