Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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