I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
