omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
