Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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