YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
