That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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