My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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