Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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