Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Come see our sink grown plant.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
