New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
