No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
