I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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