I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
