What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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