he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize