let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
